Fries With That?

Killer Coffee
Senator Kennedy allegedly wants to outlaw hot coffee after a carjacking failed in Bluffton, S.C. last week. Apparently the law-abiding man driving the car threw his recently bought coffee at the wannabe carjacker's face and neck, then wrestled him to the ground. A shot was fired in the scuffle and the driver ended up with the carjacker's gun. The carjacker then ran away into the woods.

Teddy is also alleged to be seeking the imprisonment of the driver. According to the Sen, he started out armed and dangerous with the coffee, and ended up far more dangerous after brandishing a gun which was not licensed to him. The man also did not have a permit to carry.

Water World
Speaking of the Senator from Massachusetts.. He was walking his dogs one morning, (I don't know about you, but I think the dogs may have been walking him) and saw a few fishermen who were kinda stuck out in the water. Good thing is Teddy finally figured out that boats go in water – not cars. So he and a friend (rumor has it, a drinking buddy) went out to rescue the fishermen. Unfortunately, as we've already seen, water and the Senator don't really mix (He prefers it shaken – I wonder why). Kennedy couldn't reach the castaways so he got the fire department to save them (they're good at things like that).

Fortunately none of the fishermen died or were murdered – they just suffered mild hypothermia. So it seems the Senator is improving at this whole water thing.

Oh, and the fire captain mentioned something about the Senator being familiar with water.

Who woulda guessed?

Saddam Who?
Yeah, I know...we almost forgot about our favorite dictator. But he started his trial this past week and he is not happy. He refuses to acknowledge the courts – something bout “authorizations” and “falsehoods.” And he says he's not guilt. I mean, come on. If a man says he's not guilty I kinda have to believe him.

Right.

There's only two ways his defense can go. Either claim that he's the rightful leader of Iraq, and the court is a farce – or claim that he's insane.

Right now it looks like he's trying to use both.

Also in the News
Hurricane Wilma will hit in the next week, Harriet Miers controversy continues, Tom DeLay looks pretty good being booked, and the Mars Rover just got to the top of a hill...and is now going down the other side.